Thursday, 25 January 2018

2018. Planners, Goals and Things...

We are 25 days in to the new year and so far I have written more this year then I did last year. (and may be even in 2016) I have already drawn more so far this year then last.
This year is looking up!
But lets not jinks it, just yet.

(Image 'Tranquil Sky' panting by myself. You can see more of my at at
Over the past two may be three years I have set myself goals at the start of the year for my blogs and personally and each year they have fallen apart, due to a mixture of procrastination, bad habits (that I have tried through goals and planning to change) along with a mental fog of dark crap, and being that these these three things work in a viscous little circle, my enthusiasm, motivation, and just my general want to do anything, even when deep down I want to,  nothing got done.

So this year screw it i’m not doing it. Because I feel setting goals and dead lines or a target  on what I want to achieve creatively, restricts my creativity. If that makes sense.
This year I am just going to be creative and not set to many time scales in which i need to complete something in. 
How I was planning last year and the year before I think did not help.
So this year is I'm cutting down on tracking things, rather then how I'm planning, and the planner size.

The Planers From The Past
Last year I used A5 Leuchtturm1917 planner which I love the size but I was finding I had this urge to make it look pretty with wash tape and stickers (which I never sheared on Instagram). looking back on it now it wasn’t a waist of time it was a learning curve. It looked pretty but it didn't really help me achieve any of my tasks.
Along with the stickers and wash tape I was adding in a weekly mood tracker and food and drinks I wanted to not have, tracker. and one for, no spend, when I wrote stuff and when I had been drawing. Which the latter tracker list was possible the only good one.
Being an A5 planner I ended up finding it a little big to carry around with me every where so I ended up with a Leuchtturm1917  pocket size book which was in tock with me and jotted down anything I needed to remember, or do. Which worked and didn’t work to many things got forgotten about and things that I need to get done didn’t. 
I also had and still using a A5 Leuchtturm1917 dot witch started out as a bullet journal and my writing journal for by blog. I stopped using it as a bullet journal in the Februay. I also had a passport travelers notebook calendar in my passport travelers notebook which didn't get used so its now being used as a sketchbook.

Image from my Instagram MyConfusedWorld
In 2016 I tried out the whole bullet journal set up. Using it to plan and track my progress with my writing, posting on social media house hold stuff but I found that it took up to much time to set up each spread. that lasted all of six months. I found it extremely overwhelming

Image from my post last year My Bullet Journal and Instagram.
Now 2018
This year I’ve down sized to a pocket size planner from the brand Fashionary. which I am loving. it comes as undated, so I spent some time filling it in. I also have a lot of stickers that I’ve picked up from Kikki K and Paperchase over the last year, so I will be using some of them in it but nothing like last year. being small I can keep it simple, with my days off, apiontents, lunch dates, also it should help me not listing so many things to do that I don't get a little overwhelmed and don't do any of them.

I am also using a Leuchtturm1917 pocket size book. Here I'm listing things that I need to do shopping lists, then I'll move over what things I am going to do in that week over to my Fashionary planner so I no what I'm doing and when, with my days off and evenings. also it gives me more space to write things then my planer. Its the same system that I was doing last year and five, six years ago.
Along with a monthly tracker for days I don't spend, days I write and draw. 

My mouse mat is, was a very tatty notebook which I use to jot down things while i'm on computer, If I planing a post then things get put in their to remind me, to put links, tittle images even down to were I have saved something on my computer or hard drive. The tatty old note pad has gone and I am now using a Moleskine grid, at the start of each month it will have a monthly calender and tab put on this way I should be able to find things a little better them before.
I am currently in the process of revamping my visual merchandising blog (Visualmerchandising101.blogspot.comso this book is full of every thing that I need to do to each post 

As the books that I carry with me are pocket size they fit in to a large pencile case along with my Fashionary notebook for my little Miss Costuming blog along with one of my travelers notebooks with my Fashionary neon lights sketchbook
making it easy to carry them around and keep my bag tidy.

So there are my planners for this year. Small, covenant and simple. Hopefully it  will stay that way. 
I do also use two A5 Filofaxes and travelers notebooks. I wont go in to them in this post as it will go on forever (and want to go and have another glass of wine). 

It dose feel like this year has started on a good note with be productive with projects (not so much with work but it is only 25 day in to the new year) I just need to not find that falling back in to bad habits are easier them atchley then creating things. 
The Bad Habits being that every time I sit down to start working on something, something leads me astray. weather it be You Tube, Pintrest, bloglovin’ or Facebook, and that that has destroyed my productivity, as well as window shopping on Amazon and Etsy. 

Lets see if this year is better then past ones. And weather I can write more and pst more post more... That may be a good thing for a three month review post.
But any way happy new year and all the best for the next 340 days

Wednesday, 17 January 2018

New Years Eve.

“They are her demands. If I want ‘our relationship to have any kind of further. I will abide by them’. Is how she put it”
“And to think she is someones little girl.” 
“Hay come on, I was with this woman for five years” picking up her empty mug from the table.
“I know I'm sorry. It just seams she's being a little... Well spoilt little bitch.”
“Well yes.” Turning around to open the bottle of  white wine and poring out the last drop for her. “You two never really got on did you?”
“Not really… I tired but we did't really have anything in common." He handed her a mug ,half full with wine. 
"She took the glasses as well."
"And half the cutlery, and plates, most of the saucepans." sipping from the mug.
"So that's why your cooking in a wok" He sat down opposite her at the table with a beer. 
"And the dining table. Hence the garden table and chairs." Pulling back the red and white checked table cloth to revile the hidden black metal table. The two chairs covered with blankets to mack them a little more inviting.
"And the sofa. All the hangers in the wardrobe. And all but one towel." Taking a well needed mouthful of beer from the cold bottle. 
"She did leave you with a bed, didn't she?"  A small smile on her face finding her friends situation a little amusing.
He looked at her disapprovingly and sad. 
"Dose the mattress. One pillow and the duvet count?”
"Shit.... Anyone would think that you cheated on her"
He took a long gulp of beer. Finishing the bottle. 
"You didn't" 
"It was two years ago I was working away. We had had a fight and I wasn't sure if I was going to come home to an empty house." 
"Your and arse. You know that.... Dose she know?" 
"Doubt it she never brought it up. And I'm pretty shut that she would have thrown that in my face if she did no." Flinching as he rubbed his black eye. 
“You should have slapped her back.” The disapprovingly gaze feel towards her again, from sad eyes. no answer need he was a gentlemen and he properly apologised to her for her hitting him, she thought.
He got up and stirred the sauce in the wok.  And added a bit more red wine to the mix. The mixture hissed as the cool liquid hit the heat in wok. Throwing a small cloud of hot vapour in to the air. the warm smell mad her hungry. Picking up the pack of spaghetti. he tipped the lot in to the saucepan of boiling water.

Night time in the city did not seem very dark. Street lights, along with car head lights and building emanating glows from windows and neon signs created a yellow warm glow across the sky. Even this close to Primrose hill, seeing the stars were out of the question.
Random echoing explosions from the park and near by residents filed the air. 
Finishing the last drop of wine from the mug watch him. waiting for the spaghetti to cook.
“There is a another bottle of wine in the fridge if you want to open it?“ 
She found the fridge looking very baron compared to normal. Half a dozen bottles of beer, a pint of milk, pack of bacon, butter, and at the bottom was the bottle of wine.
“got the bottle opener?”  taking of the plastic seal form the top of the bottle. 
“Nope” Poring the hot water in to the sink. “She tock that too, sorry” 
“Thats cool I want to cut down on alcohol next year” Opening the fridge putting the bottle back.
Mixing the spaghetti in the wok with the sauce the smell of the red wine filled the kitchen. before shearing it out between the two plates. 
“I know what I got… hopefully.“ putting the two plates on to the table before heading off to living room. retuning with a bottle of champaign. taking of the seal and pushing the cork out of the bottle. A load POP! followed by a smash as the cork flew out, hitting a pitcher on the wall braking the glass and making frame fall from the wall.
“Whops” placing the bottle on the table, to pick up the broken picture. of him and his ex. “Maybe I should tack it as a sign?” Pushing the glass with his foot to the wall, with intention of cleaning it up after they had eaten. He took another mug from the cupboard and put the broken pitcher on the side. he filled his mag half way, then hers.
“Enjoy your last meal of the year.” picking up his fork to eat.

"What's your New Years resolution going  to be?" 
Topping up there champagne mugs.
That both were wrapped in coats and scarves sitting out side on the steps leading down to the grass.
"Not to do anything that means I gotta get devoice the year after" 
The sudden eruption of fireworks began to light up the sky with crackling and bangs of sparkling colour.
"Happy new year" kissing her in the check. 
"Here's to starting the new year single." Taping her mug against his. 
"Have you got a New Years resolution?" 
"Change the locks" 
She smiles with a silent laugh.  
"So you are finely devoiced?" 
“Yep it was finalised the week before Christmas.” Sipping more of the Champaign.
“Well congratulation, to the end of 7 years of marital bliss.” rolling up a smoke.
“Seven years… Only spent a year and a bit with him, before he went back to the states for a six month job, I think we spent six months together in over the last five years…  No love loss I’m afraid.” taking the cigarette off of him for a puff.
“Wasn’t he like 20 years older them you?” Smiling as he finished the last bit of drink in his mug ready to top it up. 
“No he was 17years older” Taking the bottle from him to top hers up. “I don't even no why we got married now.”
“For the money” happily joking.
“Really… I did’t get anything from the divorce. it was more of a mutual agreement…” 
“well heres to stating to the new year being single.”
They watched as the last of the fireworks died out leaving a mist of smoke in the air with the smell of burnt sulfur.  before heading in to warmth of the house…

Thursday, 19 October 2017

NoteBook Of A Girl: Entry 10

There laid upon the cold damp ground, lays the colour of Autumn. With in each leaf is painted its own rich colour. 
Shallow puddles sit still reflecting images of the world around. Like mirrors upon the ground.
A passing cyclist rides fast and steady braking the reflection in the fluid mirror of high rise buildings of flats and offices. modern builds sit next to old.
I stand and watch agains a wall of a church, the world around. people getting frustrated at tourists not sure where they are going. A couple standing at the crossing but not wanting to cross. The driver of the car waving his hand at them the spending off. In their own little world of selfishness.
The Autumn air damp and cold making me feel nostalgic for the warmth of my sofa and blanket and an irish hot chocolate.
Unlocking my phone I read a message.
“I’m going to be late… The tube not running.” 
I exit with out responding and search though my music to find a song to suit the mood…
(eight bars to open)

“The summer sun is fading as the year grows old,
And darker days are drawing near,
The winter winds will be much colder,
Now you're not here.”

A cold wind blows the leafs and plastic bag and sweet rapers that lay upon the floor, around like a small cyclone. 
The cold air brings a chill making me  pull my scarf up closer around my neck trying to keep warm
Distorted refections of the city in the shallow puddles like broken mirrors.
The rich colours of autumn painted on each fallen leaf that laid upon the ground, in pools of water like abstract art behind glass.

“I watch the birds fly south across the autumn sky
And one by one they disappear,
I wish that I was flying with them
Now you're not here.
Like the sun through the trees you came to love me,
Like a leaf on a breeze you blew away…”

Making me wish for bright Autumn days. Dry and sunny, fallen leaves raked in to the piles, all crisp and bright of colour. deceiving empty blue sky’s casting the illusion of summer. As birds fly swift to warmer lands, in an unbroken formation they glide low in the autumn summer sky projecting shadows over the open field. The almost baron trees on its boundary in the distance, hiding the buildings of the town that seams so far away. Their once green vibrant leaves now rich shades of autumns colours. Red, golden orange and browns lie on green grass. Morning dew rests where shadows fall. like diamond powder dust sprinkled over night.

“Through autumn's golden gown we used to kick our way,
You always loved this time of year
Those fallen leaves lie undisturbed now
'Cause you're not here
'Cause you're not here
'Cause you're not here “

Memory’s of  crisp leaves under foot as played and kicked the pile s high creating autumn’s rainbow of  fallen leaves. Wrapped up warm form the cold dry wind. Morning sun warms our smiles as walk.

“Like the sun through the trees you came to love me,
Like a leaf on the breeze you blew away…"

A sudden cold wind, and the sound of the horn from a London bus brings me back to city. Reminding me to to finish my walk along the concert path with its shallow puddles reflecting images of the world around, like mirrors upon the ground. Distorted refections and faded colours like abstract art behind disfigured glass. 
The Autumn air damp and cold making me wish for brighter milder Autumn days. With rich shades of autumns colours. Red, golden orange and browns. Instead of the shades of blues and  greys with faded oranges and neon lights. Reflected in the grey distorted mirrors, like windows to another world.

“A gentle rain falls softly on my weary eyes
As if to hide a lonely tear
My life will be forever autumn,
'Cause you're not here
'Cause you're not here
'Cause you're not here”

Leaving the coffee shop with a hot drink in hand a light rain fills the air. my music fades then stops. Allowing me to hear the world round. 
The setting sun casts gloom over the city. Making me once more feel nostalgic for the warmth of my sofa and blanket. and the hot chocolate that I hold in both hands to warm them would be much sweeter with a dash a brandy. 
People with umbrellas pulled low paying no attention to whom they might be walking in to . in their own little worlds, not moving aside. Pulling my hood up in vain to keep a little dry while on the walk to work.
With shallow puddles that sit still reflecting images of the world around. Like mirrors upon the ground. Distorted refections of the world around.

Turning on to the small back street that leads me to work, the rain grows heavier. watch as cast and crew head in from the cold, while some stand sheltering in the fire exit to finish a cigaret, in the cold damp autumn air, where laid upon the cold damp ground, lays the colour of Autumn. With in each leaf is painted its own colours of autumn. 

Sunday, 18 June 2017


Written by JG Ballard, released in 1975. High Rise is an fictional insight it to the function and decay of a society crammed in to the concrete four walls of a forty-story new tower block development. Where shops swimming pools, restaurants and even schools sit within this new age visionary of luxury living of the Late 1960s- early 1970s.
Where the residents enjoy night after night of cocktail parties and orgies, fuelled with drink, drugs, hormones and lust. Until their high life, life style begins to crumble around then. 
As power cuts, and water outages run though out the building. as the rubbish shouts fill and waist becomes uncollected and the food in the supermarkets and restaurants begins to run low the residents divided by floors turn on each other, conducting raids for food and water, even animals, fighting for space, survival and power. 

( Image No. 1 My copy of the book and DVD )
I started reading this book when the film by Ben Wheatley was released in cinemas (in 2016), for the first time in a while i was hocked on the book from the first page. ( a lot of the time it takes 3 or 4 pages before I get in-grossed)Which meant by the time the DVD came out I had not finished the book and the film had to sit on the shelf until I finished the book.

( Image No. 2 First page of the book. )
The book follows doctor and medical school lecturer Robert Laing (played by Tom Hiddelston), whom has moved in to an apartment on the 25th floor of the high rise complex on the out skirts of London after his divorce on the recommendation of his sister who already lives in the building with her husband three floors bellow him. when the environment around them beings to descend in to madness he then takes his sister who has been left by her controlling husband, and another women in to his apartment to care for, and protect - him becoming more of the alpha male. 
In the film Alice his sister is dead along with is parents, creating a loner character, self obsessed dry man with baggage, Ready to let off some steam, with drink, drugs and sex.

Helen Wilder
“Well, Charlotte's right about one thing.
You are definitely the best amenity in the building.” 

As the power outages begin, sprits rise, and parties in full swing women from find them self attacked and some raped and on of the top floor resents jumps.
In the book it is the Jeweller from the 40th floor. In the film it is one of Laing’s students, Munrow, from the 39th floor. Who was sent for scans after passing out in a class. After he and others insult Laing at one of Royal’s parties, he tells Munrow that they found some thing during the scan, when all was good. Its an attack fuelled by the building. Yet no police arrive to investigate the incident, you can only asume that the body was taken away by a coroner and was not the first to end up in the 10th floor swimming pool.

Dr. Robert Laing: [voice over] 
"One thing was certain, Laing would surrender to a logic more powerful than reason."

You quickly start to see a divide in buildings residents social standing, with families, the working class occupying the lower floors,
The 10th floor homes of a supermarket, bank hair dresses, swimming pool, gum, liquor store,  and a junior school, which represents the first divide in building residents of working class and middle class in the middle of the building. (In the film this is moved up to the 15th floor. squash courts on the 20th) 
The 35th floor again has a swimming pool, sauna, and restaurants this is the divide between the middle and aspiring middle class -between 10th and 35th, and the elite on the floors above. The penthouse on the 40th floor of this world, Anthony Royal. (played by Jeremy Irons) The building's architect, the over seer of the building  and the surrounding complex’s ( and refereed to by others as the ‘architect’) 

Helen Wilder
“Don't worry, people don't usually care what 
happens two floors above or below them. “

The film directed by Ben Wheatley is a beautiful adapted from the novel, capturing the life with in the building.
The book its self could easily have been made in to a two part TV film, to include other other events, but doing this it would have lost its self in its own chaos.
In the book on the 40th floor there is a sculpture garden. designed by Royal as a playground for the chidden. it almost sounds like a sensory garden. This I was looking forward to see, but in the film the garden is Royals where his wife rides her horse. I was little disappointed not to she this, But having it as it is in the film shows how the higher floors see them selfs, better then the lower residence, living with these luxuries.

Concept art, on display At the Barbican Centre. Exhibition: In To The Unknown, A Journey Through Science Fiction.
( Visited on 16th June 2017. )
The film posters and DVD cover echo the architecture of the building and a kaleidoscope design. A kaleidoscope which one of the children,Toby has. As well as the effext is reflected in the elevator scenes.

Laing: What have you got there?
Toby: A kaleidoscope.
Laing: What can you see through that thing?
Toby: The future.

 (Image From )
( Image From )

( Image From )
noun: kaleidoscope; plural noun: kaleidoscopes
A toy consisting of a tube containing mirrors and pieces of coloured glass or paper, whose reflections produce changing patterns when the tube is rotated.
A constantly changing pattern or sequence of elements.
"the dancers moved in a kaleidoscope of colour”
        early 19th century: from Greek kalos ‘beautiful’ + eidos ‘form’ + -scope.

Chaotic shapes and colour that create beautiful forms. 
It is the event that take place with in this community that create some thing more wonderful then what they already had. Residence stopped going to work and concentrated on their dysfunctional life's in the high rise.

Dr. Robert Laing: [voice over] 
"For all it’s inconveniences, Laing was satisfied with life in the High-Rise. 
Ready to move forward and explore life. How exactly, he had not yet decided."

A kaleidoscope camrea effect is used near the end of the film where Wilder is killed, the event is watch by Toby through his toy. Creating beauty out of chaos and anger.

A human trait, looking for the good and beauty in life and people, searching for some thing better. When sometimes we look to hard and do not see what we have in front of us is what want and or need, missing the beauty in these moments.

( Above 3 Images Are Stills From The Film On You Tube )
( Screen Short From Nick Gillespie's Twitter. )
The Camera Rig Used To Create The Kaleidoscope Effect.
The 1975 novel was first published when the Barbican Estate towers were being built in London (towers completed 1973, 1974 and 1976). Designed in the late 1950s by young architects Chamberlin, Powell and Bon, spent 10 years in construction until its grand opening in 1982. And was granted Granted Grade II listing in September 2001.
There is a strong influence of these there buildings in the book. A land scape that was not yet completed with its sister high rise’s still under development. These buildings can be seen in the film and its posters. 

Concept art on display At the Barbican Centre. Exhibition: In To The Unknown, A Journey Through Science Fiction.
( Visited on 16th June 2017 )
( Image From )
The towers are (east to west):
Cromwell Tower, (completed in 1973 – named after Oliver Cromwell). Shakespeare Tower,(completed in 1976 – named after William Shakespeare)  and Lauderdale Tower, (completed in 1974 – named after the Earl of Lauderdale)
At 42 storeys and 123 metres (404 ft) high. The top two or three floors of each block comprise three penthouse flats.
( Image From )
The Barbican Estate also contains the Barbican Centre (an arts, drama and business venue), the Barbican public library, the City of London School for Girls, the Museum of London, barbican conservatory and the Guildhall School of Music and Drama. The similarities are there but the fiction has never became reality.

Dr. Robert Laing: [voice over] "Ever wanted something more? Ever thought there could be a better way to live free from the shackles of the old, tired world? This development is the culmination of a lifetimes work by esteemed architect, Anthony Royal. The High-Rise has forty floors of luxury apartments filled with every modern convince. Onsite we have a fully stocked super-market, gym facilities, swimming pool, spa, school. There is almost no reason to leave. People from all walks of life are here too. There are many opportunities to make new friends, possibly fall in love. So why not join us? Joins us at the High-Rise."